Dono

I haven’t been back to the donation clinic; I’m still waiting on mail that I can actually use to prove that I don’t live in a cardboard box in some alley around the corner from the donation clinic. However, I once lived in the basement of an apartment that was a few blocks from the clinic. I wasn’t on the lease, so technically you could call that homelessness. I thought of it more as squatting. It was a good three months.

Anyway, the plan keeps changing (why do I even make plans) and I’m not donating plasma right now. The university has kept me pretty busy during my last week of work; I’m not even living up to my new twitter identity: donothingman. The name works, looks kinda funny, but it’s easy to type. If you’re like me, you might also see “dono thing man” when you read the name. I’m not sure “dono” means, if it means anything.

According to the wiktionary, “dono” doesn’t mean much in English, but there are some fun meanings in Spanish, Italian, Latin, and Japanese. Sure, whatever.

Not living up to my new twitter identity is a slight understatement; donothingman is in mortal danger. He tumbled off a cliff yesterday when a friend of mine gave me a lead for an opening at the software company. He said I should send him a resume (for him to forward to HR) and apply online; he works at the company and knows a guy in HR. I did both yesterday afternoon. Being the sap that I am, I’m optimistic whenever such an opportunity presents itself.

I’m a positive person even though I don’t look it on the outside. Looking positive on the outside just creeps people out. The looks stack up if I’m walking through campus in the morning with a smile on my face. What’s he smiling about? Must’ve done something big. Is he smiling at me? What a creep. I can hear it in their stares.

I understand though; there’s not a lot of cause for optimism these days, especially in our economy. Look at me: I’m loosing my job in about a week, going from the-most-money-I’ve-ever-made-in-my-life to no income. People are terrified of that situation, laying awake worried about money, or frantically job searching into the wee hours of the night. Uncertain financial stability. Uncertainty. That’s what haunts people.

There must be something wrong with me, because I am facing the same uncertainty; I’m looking down a tunnel. Some light breaches the tunnel’s opening and I can see the walls on either side and the floor and ceiling below and above me. But the light at the opening pierces only so far. Then only darkness. Maybe something’s there; maybe nothing. In a week I’m going into this tunnel and I’ll be optimistic about it. You won’t see me skipping into the darkness with a creepy smile across my face. I’ll walk right in, ready for something, everything, and nothing.

I'm Not Even Going to Write Anything

See, I can just post Lorem lpsum and not actually writing a single thing. I'm kidding, of course. This blog is in the testing phase; I just want to get the layout tweaked to my satisfaction.

This is the Do Nothing Test

Can I insert some of that Lorem Ipsum crap? Yes?

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse vulputate velit a odio volutpat pellentesque. Sed rhoncus molestie enim vitae ullamcorper. Vivamus consequat, nisi sit amet vehicula accumsan, massa arcu ultricies metus, ut aliquet mauris erat non mi. Pellentesque vel dolor massa, eget euismod felis. Vivamus tincidunt, odio at aliquam convallis, leo orci vehicula nulla, sed sodales est justo eu turpis. Morbi sed augue nunc. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Donec at dui dui, sit amet suscipit sapien. Sed vitae augue est, et varius massa. Phasellus vel arcu sit amet lorem tempus condimentum a non lorem. Integer urna lacus, tempus eget condimentum et, gravida sed ligula. Quisque vehicula ipsum a metus adipiscing luctus. Fusce interdum enim ut magna egestas vulputate cursus diam pulvinar.

Praesent est nunc, tristique vel bibendum a, adipiscing ac nisi. Donec at feugiat sem. Praesent sit amet massa non metus varius tincidunt. Mauris eu mauris sit amet mi faucibus imperdiet ac sed eros. Cras hendrerit sodales fringilla. Donec fringilla vehicula quam, nec ornare felis pulvinar quis. Sed eget sodales metus. Proin congue diam et turpis egestas consequat. Duis ut metus metus. Phasellus ornare magna et nisi euismod nec rutrum urna gravida. Duis gravida lobortis nibh, a pellentesque magna consectetur sit amet. Donec vitae ante vel neque consectetur tristique mattis a ipsum. Integer ac tellus ut arcu volutpat rutrum dapibus ac sapien.

Cras pharetra volutpat hendrerit. Nam consectetur sem vitae lorem eleifend ac aliquet velit rutrum. Phasellus consectetur, felis id adipiscing fringilla, dolor libero elementum mi, et sagittis libero leo at erat. Aenean quis turpis nisi. Ut rhoncus, enim eu tincidunt auctor, tortor velit fringilla nibh, eu vehicula est metus suscipit leo. Quisque erat odio, egestas quis auctor in, egestas ut tortor. Morbi ullamcorper, ipsum vitae dictum hendrerit, tortor nisl varius arcu, ut luctus velit nulla nec metus. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Sed tempus semper metus, non pharetra nunc rhoncus vel. Cras lobortis fringilla risus eget sollicitudin.

Nulla vitae rhoncus purus. Praesent et mauris vel augue consectetur dapibus. Nulla eu velit ac dui placerat interdum. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. In venenatis pharetra turpis, posuere commodo felis feugiat non. Pellentesque ac eros diam, in gravida arcu. Fusce dignissim ullamcorper dolor ut mollis. Pellentesque posuere scelerisque venenatis. Integer laoreet, tellus et ornare placerat, elit magna molestie dolor, vitae imperdiet nunc libero vel sem. Etiam gravida dignissim porttitor. Suspendisse elementum blandit condimentum. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Maecenas aliquam tortor ac arcu mollis scelerisque. Aliquam ut elit nec justo sollicitudin ullamcorper sit amet quis metus. Duis sed libero orci. In quis lacus a tortor viverra scelerisque a in nisi. Nam accumsan diam ut erat feugiat eu auctor tellus ultricies. Nulla adipiscing molestie euismod.

Integer convallis, metus aliquet iaculis adipiscing, eros neque viverra augue, sed consequat dui diam sed nulla. Nunc venenatis massa non eros congue eget dignissim massa eleifend. Sed a interdum libero. Nam suscipit, dui vitae lobortis porttitor, mi elit dignissim risus, et sollicitudin neque mauris sed leo. Etiam rhoncus est sed diam eleifend feugiat. Praesent lacus leo, tincidunt bibendum dapibus nec, venenatis in dolor. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Pellentesque sit amet posuere est. Sed quis varius metus. Praesent sit amet tortor ligula, ut rhoncus turpis. Quisque in arcu nec erat lobortis faucibus a nec risus.

Thanks lipsum faeries.

No Such Thing as Easy Money

Let’s see, it’s Thursday evening and I’m watching a football game from my grandmother’s nursing home room.  She’s not really watching; she’s sleeping.  And I don’t really care about the football game, which is why I’m typing.  This morning marked my second trip to donate plasma; it was also my second failed attempt.  Apparently, as a means of proving that you’re not homeless, you need a piece of post-marked and dated mail.  As well as your driver’s license and social security card.  I don’t understand all the security around proving your identity and your affluence as a home owner (or ability to receive mail).  But it can’t be just any mail.  My Kroger coupons weren’t authentic enough.  I’m going to need someone to write me an effing letter.

Anyway, my friend and I both were called as new donors around seven forty.  My buddy (and a previous plasma donor although he took a year off and is just now starting up again) made it through the hoops.  I guess the homelessness hoop sort of clothes-lined me.  Maybe I look homeless.

After texting my friend from the waiting area, I left in search of proof that I was not a homeless man.  I sent him this text message:

dude…they wont take my mail.
it doesn’t have a post mark date on it.

FML.  There’s no such thing as easy money.

I'm Lazy, Not Homeless

Another early morning, but at least I’m learning the ropes.  We pulled into the plasma donation center around five-till-six and there was a small line beginning to wrap around the building.

There are obvious props to getting here early, like being the first in, the first to sign-in; however, as a new donor, you have to complete some sort of initiation—testing, a mini physical, a couple things to sign, and a binder to read.  It’s like a special club or frat.  The new members get treated like shit, but once you make it through initiation, things get better.

The line has moved pretty fast for the regulars, which leads me to believe that the early mornings are the best time to come.  The sign-in-name-calling procedure ends around six thirty, and then regular members can just walk in and get in line.  I guess the sign-in sheet only takes precedence in the morning—probably to keep people from killing each other over place in line.  Even though things are very organized (and policed), people who don’t normally donate at this hour still don’t know to sign-in.

Everyone grumbles under their breath about waiting.  There is plenty of dissension in the waiting area.  You can tell who of us are new initiates.  We’re the only ones sitting in the waiting area now.  Some of whom have headphones.  The kind that blast music loud enough for everyone to enjoy or at least hear.  It’s seven and the first new donors are being called.

You may have heard people, probably teachers, old people, and techies say or complain that no one reads books anymore.  Well, the people who say this have never waited in line at a plasma donation clinic.  Lots of people are reading books here; there’s nothing else to do.

There’s no such thing as easy money.

Waiting

It’s early.  Dark outside, kinda cool for the last day of August, but where I’m sitting, it’s white—the clinic is full of white light.  I’m in the seating area of the plasma donation clinic, waiting.  It looks like there’s a lot of waiting involved.  Wait to get in line, wait in line, and then wait while donating.  There are probably more stations of waiting that I don’t know about.

Like waiting to be told that I can’t donate.

I'm the Do-Nothing-Man

What’s the date on this document?  August 10, 2010 5:03 AM.  Let’s see, today is the 25th (I have no effing clue); no, it’s the 27th.  That means it’s been seventeen days since I wrote in this document.  I just re-read everything and I think there is more that needs to be said.  I’m actually taking a break from work.  Just clearing my mind.

I was hanging out with some friends last night and I explained this idea, this social experiment, to one of them while we munched on Taco Bell at one-in-the-morning.  After explaining my situation and my curiosity, I asked him about the plasma bank.  Jeremy used to donate plasma and get about fifty bucks a week.  I knew this and I think I’m going to make use of the service to help get some cash.  He explained the best times to go and that I needed a piece of mail to prove that I wasn’t homeless.  The funny thing is:  I never get mail.  Well, I used to never get mail.

Kroger (it’s a grocery store around here) has been sending me coupons in the mail lately.  I don’t know how my apartment address ended up in their data banks, but I’m cool with it.  Coupons are a great way to save money.

So the idea is growing in the womb of my brain as this:  “I’m the do-nothing-man.”  That’s going to be the subtext to “The Chronicles of F. S.”  Again, this is another story, and I’ll get to it later.  Right now, it’s shaping up as a blog where I can keep a record of my activities and document the research in which I delve.  But I think I’m going to start in September, while I still have the safety net of a pay check.  The plan is to do all this while working my final month at the university, just to get a sense of how hard it will actually be.  Not that it’s going to be taxing, but the experiment will be difficult financially.  Ideally, I’d find a cheaper place to live, to lower my expenses (which aren’t really that high), and get rid of some luxuries.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not ready to do that yet.  I love my living arrangements (my roommate and my apartment), but as I stated previously, expenses aren’t that high; I’ll layout my budget later.  In other words, I think I can meet all my financial obligations.

The Ultimate Lazy Question

This morning I called my boss and left her a message; I said that I would be unable to be at work because I would be helping my grandmother for most of the day. After lying about spending the day with my dying grandmother (if you ask me, she’s already dead, but that’s a tale for another day) in her nursing home, I hung up the phone and went back to sleep. This has become a typical, if not regular routine. I’m rather happy that my grandmother is stuck in a nursing home; it gives me a reason to occasionally miss work.

I slept in until noon. I didn’t get up because I was getting hungry, but because I needed to shower. It’s August in Columbus, Ohio and that means it’s really effing hot. Especially for those of us who sleep in lofted beds. See, that means I’m higher off the ground and well, heat rises, so I get pretty hot in my bed.

Heat and summer and August aside, I think I made a good decision by staying home today to do nothing. Literally nothing. I did go and get a burrito and a soda to satisfy my glutton and sugar addiction, but that only requires a fifteen minute car ride and a swipe of my credit card. Nothing too difficult there. As I was munching on my burrito and watching some show that I downloaded, I realized that if I had all the wealth and power in the world, my day would not have been any different. That was the first epiphany of the lazy day.

The movie Office Space may ring a bell here; however, I think I fall on a deeper level than Ron Livingston. At the end of the movie, Peter was actually doing something. I, on the other hand, don’t want to do anything. Ever. The challenge behind this quest is that while I don’t want to do anything, I still want to get paid; I still want to make money. Rent and bills still need to be paid, there are some video games that need to be purchased, and a car may need to be bought in the future. So the ultimate question becomes: How do I do nothing and still make money? Humans have been seeking this answer for decades, maybe even centuries and I want to find the answer. I think it’s a lot harder to be lazy than what it seems. The ground work must be laid for laziness to occur and that ground work is costly, time-consuming, and difficult.

In the end, if done correctly, it must be worth it. Look at me; I’m already wondering if I can do the same thing tomorrow morning. It would be stupid to try, but my mind is already wandering there. It wants to stay home, sleep until one or two in the afternoon, and then play video games and watch movies or read and maybe type some stupid soliloquy about life. Today has been a good, lazy day. Unfortunately, I can’t repeat it yet. I still don’t know the answer to the ultimate lazy question. I’ll keep looking though.

And why is it so effing hot in August. Rhetorical question there. Doesn’t change anything. It’s still hot and I hate summer. The perfect solution for hot summer nights is a long, cold shower where I can shiver and think and pray. Yes, I actually pray all the time in the shower. Plus, the shower is a great place to begin another day of August. If there is one piece of truth out of this entire collection of bits and bytes, it’s that I will never name my daughter after this cursed, hellish month.